Out of the Closet
by chichirichick
Summary: Sex is a touchy subject, especially when it comes to hormonal teens like Rukia and Ichigo. Can they sort things out and have sex without ruining their relationship? Rated M for sexiness.
1. Dreams Aren't Reality

Here's your warnings:

1. The only place that I own Bleach is in a parallel dream universe of joy and happiness.

2. Because I wanted to try something new, I tried writing (more than usually) graphic sex. If you don't like sex, please don't read the fic. If you don't like the sex I wrote, please leave a comment so I may improve my smut!

3. I have this odd feeling it's a bit OOC… I tried to make Rukia more demanding, since I felt like the beginning of the series she was large and in charge but it slowly dwindled overtime, so I feel like writing Rukia as a strong character can sometimes be thought of as OOC. So you've been warned.

* * *

Ichigo woke with a start, his eyes instantly shooting to the closet. No matter what, once Rukia went in there for the night, it was as if she disappeared. Never a sound or movement until the morning. But he had definitely just heard something. And if he had heard something, it had had to have been loud. Calling Ichigo a heavy sleeper was an understatement. Now came the tough decision… should he risk bodily harm by opening the door? Because regardless of the fact that he was worried about her, it wouldn't matter when her foot was connecting with his face, most probably breaking some bone in the process. "I give up," he murmured.

He stood and made his way to the closet slowly, making sure to not make any noise. Hopefully, he could open the door and find her deep asleep and be able to shut the door again and slink away without her ever knowing. One can only hope. As slow as possibly, Ichigo slid the door open, peering into the blind darkness to see Rukia curled in the corner of her shelf, her shocked eyes fixated on him. Ichigo braced himself for pain but found none, Rukia remaining motionless, staring.

As he went to open his mouth, Rukia whispered weakly. "I'm fine."

Ichigo face contorted with skepticism. "What was the noise about, then?"

"Nothing."

He shifted his feet, considering letting her go with this inadequate explanation… What was he thinking? Of course he was going to push this. That noise… was just too weird. "Get out of the closet."

"No!"

"I told you to get out the closet!" Ichigo allowed himself to raise his voice, the house luckily being empty other than the two of them.

"And I said no!" Rukia spat back.

"Damnit, Rukia!" Ichigo reached for her, grabbing a hold of her arms, leading her out forcefully. It wasn't the way he liked operating, but his worry was clouding his usual common sense. After a good struggle and some cursing, he got her out of the closet. "You're warm…" Ichigo let go of one of her arms and felt her forehead.

"I'm fine," Rukia insisted, batting his hand away from her forehead.

"I think you have a fever." Ichigo moved his batted hand from her forehead to the base of her neck.

Rukia finally tore herself away from him, backing towards the closet. "I'm not sick!" She turned, ready to hoist herself back onto the shelf but was forced to stop, Ichigo's strong arms encircling her waist.

Ichigo pulled her against his chest, his lips right next to her ear. "It's funny how you're fine but your heart is pounding and you're shaking… Tell me," he hissed.

"Ichigo…" Rukia sighed with defeat, knowing he would neither let go of her or the subject. "I had a dream…"

"How bad was it?"

Everything in Rukia's body wanted to scream that it was amazing but could she tell him that? What would he say if he knew the things she thought about him? "It was…" She should have stopped this infatuation as soon as it started, before it budded into… something so strong that it was invading her dreams, but now was the time to fix it. "It was about you, Ichigo."

Surprisingly, his grip never faltered. "What about me?"

There was a hint of sadness in his voice that put Rukia on edge. "We were… you were…" She could feel the heat rising in her body again. "Touching me."

"What do you mean?" But by the tone of his voice, Rukia could tell he already knew. So why did he need to hear it straight for her mouth?

Rukia took a deep breath, gathered herself, and got ready to be her regularly blunt self. "We were having sex, Ichigo. Now may I please go back to sleep?"

"No." Ichigo exhaled warm breath across her ear, giving Rukia goose bumps. "Do you… Why do you dream about that?"

"Freud says you dream about think you want. It's the needs of the unconscious." Rukia sounded like she was reading a text book, irking Ichigo to no end. "What were you really going to ask, Ichigo? Do I what?"

Ichigo cleared his throat. "Do you… like it?" Rukia took one of his hands from her waist and guided it down. "Rukia…" Ichigo hesitated, keeping her from moving his hand for a moment. She tugged harder and he relinquished, feeling his fingers slipping under the waistband of her pants. "Rukia…" Ichigo whispered again as she stopped his hand in between her legs. This was insane! He had just checked to make sure she was alright and now he was touching her… her… He shuddered.

"Does that answer your question?" Her voice sounded so matter-of-factly.

"What?" That fact that Ichigo's hand was where it was was definitely enough to make it so he couldn't understand anything at all.

"Can't you feel it?" Rukia was dying for him to _do_ something. She had led him this far but he just stayed motionless, that breath against her ear driving her insane.

Ichigo gulped. He'd taken sex-ed… so it was pretty clear to him that the slick liquid between her legs wasn't from wetting the bed… and she was right, it did, in fact, answer his question very frankly. "Yes," was all he could manage to get out of his throat, knowing it wasn't going to make her happy in the least.

"Ichigo!" Rukia's roughness made him jump slightly. "Either do something or get your goddamn hand out of my pants and let me go to sleep."

What a fucking conundrum. It's not as if he _didn't_ want to do something to Rukia. I mean, he may not be having wet dreams like her but he'd sure had some waking fantasies that were not very PG-13! Plus he lo… ugh, he couldn't even say it in his own head. Either way, if he let her go now he'd probably never get another opportunity since, knowing her, she'd shut him out and hold a grudge forever. But she was asking him to have sex with her? Just like that? Nothing before and probably nothing after, but just sex right now? And of course Ichigo had to feel chivalrous, feel like this was taking advantage of her in some way.

"Fine." Rukia didn't wait for him anymore and attempted to pull herself out of his hold.

"Don't." Ichigo quickly changed the position of his hand, slipping his fingers between her lips, playfully edging his finger around her opening.

Rukia whimpered softly, obviously holding back a moan.

Ichigo finally smiled, proud of the fact he could make that noise come from her throat. He quickly withdrew his hand, causing Rukia to tremble. Before she could protest he picked her up quickly and turned, throwing her on the bed. The look on her face was priceless, the wide eyes, the flushed cheeks, the slightly parted panting lips. At this point, chivalry was the furthest thing from his mind. Rukia would get what she asked for and the rest he would worry about later.

He got down on the bed, pinning her down, his mind racing at where he should start. Ichigo had, like most young men, a healthy idea of sex. He'd seen enough porn (what boy hadn't?) and had that awkward "birds and the bees" discussion with his dad (which ended up being more graphic than he would have liked, due to his dad being a doctor), but there was still a level of nervousness that was gripping him. He'd never actually touched a girl. Hell, though he was moderately handsome (ok, drop-dead gorgeous), he had never even _kissed_ a girl. But, since Ichigo was used to jumping into things that he had no idea about (how else did he become a shinigami?), he decided to fuck everything else and go for it.

Without a second thought, Ichigo pressed his lips against hers, forcing himself into her mouth with his tongue. Rukia resisted for only a moment before giving in completely, kissing him back with equal fervor. As he took complete control of her mouth, Ichigo began unbuttoning her pajama top, pleasantly surprised at the fact that she didn't wear a bra to bed (or panties, for that matter, as he had found out just a few minutes ago). He began pulling it off her when he felt her hand reach up, her fingers attempting to work the buttons of his shirt. Ichigo stopped what he was doing and grabbed her hand. "No."

Their eyes met and Rukia was only able to whisper, "But…"

"Not me. Not yet." He pushed her hand back against the bed, holding it there for a moment forcefully. Rukia made no more argument and let him pull her shirt the rest of the way off. Ichigo paused for a moment, not only taking his time examining her beautiful, perky breasts, but also weighing his options. After taking his moment to decide, Ichigo went for her pants, ripping them off legs before she had a moment to protest. He wanted her completely bare, exposed, wanted to see every inch of her.

Rukia moved her arms to cover herself but the look on Ichigo's face made her stop. It was halfway between lust and… wonder. She had expected the hormonal glare at her naked body, but the look of awe made her shiver. What makes him look at her like that? Could he…? Before Rukia could argue with herself, Ichigo attacked her mouth again.

Ichigo ran his hand up her side, feeling the goose bumps rise beneath his fingers. As he reached the underside of her breast he slowed his hand, tracing his fingers gently up the side until he came to her nipple. He circled it slowly with his thumb, feeling it pucker and harden under his touch. Without really thinking, he pinched it lightly, pulling it as a low moan erupted from Rukia's mouth into his. God, was that sound beautiful. He pulled his mouth away from hers and moved to the other breast, pinching again, waiting for her cry. Rukia bit her lip, suppressing her moan down to a whimper again.

"No," Ichigo said roughly, moving her hand from her breast to her face, turning it so she looked right in his eyes. "Don't hold back. You know Dad, Yuzu, and Karin are away for the week… so let go, Rukia. Let me hear you." He smiled to soften his tone. "I want to know what I'm doing right."

Rukia could barely reply. All she could manage was a nod and panting, her body on fire. If he continued like he was, Ichigo would not only be doing right, but perfect. It's as if he already knew her body.

Ichigo let his lips touch her lightly before sliding his mouth down her jaw, down her neck, leaving light, feathery kisses until reaching her breast. He nuzzled her nipple, hearing her breath hitch as he darted his tongue out and teased the tip. As he took her nipple into his mouth, Rukia did as she was told and let out groan. Taking her noise as encouragement, Ichigo ran his hand down her stomach, feeling her muscles tighten under his fingers. He moved his hand to her legs, parting them, finding no resistance from Rukia. Just as he moved his attention to her other breast, his lips just barely wrapping around the nipple, he plunged a finger into Rukia, sending her hips bucking.

"Ichigo!"

"You like that?" he whispered huskily, already knowing the answer.

Rukia reached out and grasped her fingers in his hair. "Do it again, Ichigo."

Ichigo smirked and withdrew his finger slowly, teasing her opening on his way out. He stroked the edge gently with the tip of her finger, enjoying the low moan it elicited from Rukia's lips. This time Ichigo moved slowly, slipping in a second finger as he felt along the inside of her body.

"Uh!" Rukia shivered. "Keep… keep…"

Ichigo brought himself up to her, parting her lips with his, moving his tongue delicately inside her mouth. Tentatively, Ichigo slid his fingers in deeper, feeling her muscles contract.

Rukia could barely hold on. She ran her hand down Ichigo's arm to where he was inside her and tugged gently. Ichigo allowed her to take his hand and pull it out of her. Rukia barely pulled him out, only moving his fingers up slightly. She pressed his finger tips into her clit, feeling a tingle run up her spine. "Save the best for last, huh, Ichi?"

Ichigo chuckled. "Well, I was hoping this would feel the best, so yeah." He started massaging her clit slowly, making circles.

Rukia reached for his pants this time, tugging at them weakly. "Do it, Ichi."

Ichigo looked to her hand… he'd been so… involved with her he'd barely noticed the bursting erection of his own. Not that he hadn't realized that he'd been turned on, that was practically impossible, but he had just been so intent on her, and he couldn't stop now. "Not yet. I want to… I want you to…" Oh, God, just say it! "I want to make you… cum first." Ichigo increased the pressure of his fingers, speeding up the massaging of her clit. "Cum for me, Rukia." He almost felt ridiculous saying it, like this was some cheesy porno, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted her to. He _needed_ her to.

Rukia grasped desperately at Ichigo, her fingers clutching to the fabric of his shirt. She could feel something coming… something like after those dreams but… so much stronger. Her toes curled. "Ichi!" She managed to squeak out his name before the feeling overtook her and threw her into incoherence. All she could manage out of her mouth was a deep, long cry as her hips bucked.

Ichigo watched her intently, waiting for her pleasure to subside, for Rukia to come back to him. She took a few deep breaths, releasing Ichigo and touching her own body tentatively, as if to check and make sure everything was there. The foggy daze of her pleasure finally began to drift away and she reached for Ichigo, pulling his lips to hers and in gentle kiss. "Now you," she murmured.

For a moment, Ichigo hesitated. That chivalry had come back.

"Don't worry," Rukia slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

He let her. He let her take off his shirt. Then his pants. That only slightly relieved the pressure and in some way made him ache more. He wanted to be inside her but… Rukia wrapped her legs around Ichigo's waist and pulled him towards her, the tip of his dick finding the wetness between her legs. It was right there, ready to go, and Ichigo readied himself, all he needed to do was pull her closer, feel himself in her.

"Damnit!" Ichigo off her and out of the bed in an instant.

"Ichi?" Rukia sat up quickly, her eyes round with shock. "What's wrong?"

Ichigo turned his back to her, grasping his head in his hands. He couldn't do it. Couldn't. Couldn't. But how could he do all those things to her and then…? "Fuck!"

"Ichigo!" Rukia slipped off of the bed and rushed to him, grabbing his arm. "Are you ok?"

"No," Ichigo groaned. All he could think about was how utterly and totally fucked up he was. Touching her like that was one thing but… _fucking_ her was something else. But how?

"Ichigo, talk to me!"

He slowly turned to her, still unsure of what was wrong with him and even more unsure of how to explain it to her.

"Ichigo, what's the problem?" Rukia reached out and touched the side of his face, watching as his face became even more distraught.

"Rukia…" He took her hand from his face and held it. "I can't."

"But…" Rukia looked away from him. "Is it me?"

"No!" Ichigo pulled her hand, causing her to look back at him. "Rukia, I love you!" Rukia stared at him with such an intense look of fear that Ichigo took a step back, as if he were hit. And that was enough for him. That look was more than enough. He let go of her hand and stepped past her, picking up his clothes from the floor. He was begging, begging anything and everything, for her to say something… well, say the certain thing that he wanted to hear, but Rukia remained silent and motionless. Ichigo opened the door, waiting for yet another moment for the silence to change. It didn't, and he left, slamming the door behind him. Rukia waited, and when she couldn't hear anymore of him, she sat on his bed and cried.


	2. Fear

So, not to disappoint, but there's really no smut this time around! Just simple story development, sorry! But, look forward to the next chapter where I hope to have some more steamy-ness.

* * *

Momo had been sitting in Yuzu's room with Rukia for the past fifteen minutes in complete silent. She honestly should have expected this from the franticness of Rukia on the phone but Momo really was starting to hope for some explanation. "Hey, Rukia…"

"Sorry, Momo, I just…" Rukia shook her head. "I can hardly understand it myself, so I'm trying to figure a way to explain it to you."

Momo nodded and walked to the door, locking the door and putting her back against it. "Well, whenever you're ready, but I think you should try before Ichigo gets home. Locking this door probably won't do that much…"

"But thanks for thinking of it," Rukia laughed bitterly. She'd stooped so low as to hide in his sister's room and it'd only been one day since… the incident. To make matters worse, Isshin had extended his vacation with the girls another two weeks. So she had twenty days of an Ichigo-only-apartment to enjoy. And by enjoy she meant suffer with his looks and sighs and slammed doors. "Momo, have you ever had problems with Toshiro?"

"Problems?" Momo rushed back to the bed and sat next to Rukia, almost excited about the prospect of finally hearing the issue.

"Like… when you were first getting together… was it awkward?"

Momo tilted her head, her eyes wandering off into her memories. She finally returned to reality and shook her head. "Not really. I guess I just _knew_ that Toshiro was going to be with me when the time was right. Feelings were never an issue."

Rukia sighed.

"Rukia, I'm not dumb, I know this about Ichigo." Momo put her hand on top of Rukia's. "What happened last night? I mean, you two wouldn't even look at each other at school today, but yesterday you two were fine…"

Rukia's head dropped into her hands. "I tried to get him to sex with me."

Momo pursed her lips. "Did he not want to?"

"He seemed _really_ into it until he was just about to, you know, but he stopped."

Both of them sat quietly for a moment, Momo evidently in deep thought. "Ok, unless there's something you're not telling me, I'm just as confused as you are."

"He said he loved me," Rukia whispered inaudibly.

"Hm?" Momo moved her face closer to Rukia. "What?"

"He loves me." Rukia took a deep breath, holding back residual tears from last night. "That's what he said. That's why he wouldn't have sex with me."

Momo took a deep breath but snapped her mouth shut. At this point, treading anything but incredibly lightly would be a mistake with Rukia. But it's not as if Momo had any idea how to fix this. She started to become _very_ happy that Toshiro was as easy as he was. "What did you do after he said it?"

Rukia went to reply but the tears got in the way. She hated being so weak, to show this kind of weakness about anything, but it wasn't just _anything_, it was _Ichigo_.

"Oh, Rukia…" Momo resisted the urge to wrap an arm around Rukia's shoulder, knowing that physical comfort wasn't number one in the Kuchiki household, so it probably wouldn't help much. She settled on taking Rukia's hands in hers. "It can't be that bad…"

"I didn't say anything!" Rukia groaned, curling over so her head met their held hands.

So it could be that bad. Against her nature, Momo couldn't help but think about which one of the two was the bigger idiot in this situation. She wished Toshiro was there to clarify. "But, you love him, too, don't you, Rukia?"

That look of desperate fear crossed Rukia's features again and it set Momo aback. Realizing she'd once again shown her weakness, Rukia erased her features, staring off blankly. "It's not that easy."

"Rukia!" Both Momo and Rukia jumped as Ichigo's voice filled the house. His thundering footsteps moved across the floor, checking doors until he jiggled Yuzu's doorknob and found it locked. "Rukia, are you in there?"

"Yes."

"Let me in!"

"Please, Ichigo, go away."

Momo went to open her mouth but was drowned out by the sharp sound of Ichigo's foot connecting with the door, causing it to pop off the hinges slightly.

Rukia jumped to her feet and to the now crooked door, awkwardly opening the now severely damaged door. "Are you insane?" she shrieked.

Ichigo was ready to start the screaming match until he saw Momo sitting there, pretty much frozen in fear at his outburst. He took a moment to scan back and forth between the two women before letting his frustration get the best of him. With once last glare at Rukia, Ichigo walked down the hall to his own room, slamming the door behind him.

Momo joined Rukia at the door, both staring at the damage done. "Do you want to come stay with me and Toshiro for a little while?"

Rukia looked at Momo for a moment, actually considering it before shaking her head softly. "I'm afraid Ichigo would destroy your house, too." As if to punctuate Rukia's attempt at humor a crash erupted from Ichigo's room, making both girls jump.

Momo smiled sadly, trying to force amusement at the joke but failing utterly. "I'm sure he won't but… Rukia, I have to ask… he won't hurt you, will he?"

"Oh, no, Momo, don't worry about that." Rukia clutched her chest. "That's my job."

Momo opened and shut her mouth, knowing there was no point. She scooted around the broke door and out into the hallway. "If you need me, you know where to find me."

Rukia nodded and looked back at the door, straightening it slightly. Momo walked down the hallway and disappeared. Rukia waited for the sound of the door closing behind Momo before making her way to Ichigo's door. She glanced at Yuzu's crooked door for a moment and then turned the knob slowly. Ichigo was lying on the bed, his face towards the wall. The closet door was on the floor, ripped out of its track.

"So, are you insane, Ichigo?" She could feel the anger radiating off of him so she wiped the smart-ass act away and walked to the bed, sitting behind him. "Your dad called today… him and the girls are staying longer. He added two weeks to the vacation."

"Good, it'll give me time to fix the doors." Ichigo sounded so empty.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was bringing Momo over."

"It's fine." Rukia went to touch him but Ichigo sat up, slipping past her on the bed. "I need to clean up." This time he opened the door slowly and shut it behind him softly, moving equally as quiet through the house. The only sound came as the water turned on, the soft pitter-patter of droplets against the tub.

Rukia looked at the closet then to its door. She started making up stories in her mind… ripping off the door to get rid of the separation between them… ripping off the door to force her out and into his bed… but the facts were he ripped off a door, nothing else.

She grabbed the hem of her dress and threw it over her head, stepping out of her panties and unlatching her bra. She took a moment to look at her body, hoping to see marks to remind her of his touch, but seeing none. It was useless to just stand there naked, so Rukia pushed herself out of the room, into the hallway, and to the washroom.

Ichigo forced himself not to look at her. With his great willpower, that lasted only a moment before his eyes wandered to her. As soon as their eyes met, Rukia walked forward, slipping herself into the opposite end of the tub. It was ample enough for the two of them but… she moved and knelt between his legs. There was nothing in his eyes and it was unnerving.

"I'd tell you to get out but I doubt you'd listen."

Rukia nodded, reaching out a hand hesitantly. Ichigo took her hand and pulled her to him. Though it was supposed to be a tender interaction, Rukia found it void of feeling, that scowl plastered on his face. Nonetheless, she found herself sitting in lap, her head planted gently on his shoulder. She listened to his heart beat slowly. "I've never seen you so angry," she murmured, not even sure if she was being loud enough for him to hear.

Ichigo made a grunt of confirmation but that was all. It's not as if there was something he could say to make up for his brash actions. Kicking down a damn door and then pulling one off its tracks? Definitely not Ichigo's usual way of going about exposing his emotions. I mean, he may not be real eloquent, but at least it was usually himself he beat up on instead of poor innocent objects.

Rukia lifted her head, coming face to face with him.

Ichigo let their eyes meet and he started to lose his grip on his anger with her. Well, not so much anger but just the purest level of disappointment. After all his agonizing he had said those words and what did he get? Just that look. A look that he couldn't even fully decipher… it was most definitely fear, but fear of what? And it's not like Rukia had been very forthcoming after that with an explanation.

So again, a fucking conundrum. She could love him and just be acting like the regular old Rukia by avoiding her own happiness at all costs. Or, she could not love him and just want a good lay until she could actually find her prince charming. Lost in thought, Ichigo sighed deeply. Either one sucked. But nothing would suck more than separating himself from her. So for now… for now… He overtook the space between them and gently brushed his lips against hers. He would agonize every minute of every day about this, and he'd probably never be able to get over the confusing feelings about having sex with her, but he'd be damned if he didn't allow himself to be close to her.

His hand grasped her neck, obviously not to hurt her, but enough to demand her attention, pulling her from any sort of clouded lust of the moment. "I don't care what your reasons are." He pulled her a little closer, their noses touching. "Well, that's a lie, but let's pretend I don't give a shit what your reasons are, what that fucking look is, but I wasn't joking when I said I loved you. So don't toy with me, Rukia. Get over what you need to, but don't you _dare_…"

Ichigo couldn't even finish the sentence, his voice unable to sound at the sight of tears streaming from her eyes. He had never before seen her cry, and had never seen someone cry with such silent intensity. In Ichigo's experience, the girls in his life always went for the tradition sob, with the cute sniffles and whimpers. But Rukia always had to be different… the tears just drifted from her eyes, no sounds eliciting from her throat. Ichigo let her neck go, watching as her body sunk lower in the water. Just in case, Ichigo moved his hands under the water to her waist, holding her steady.

When Rukia opened her mouth, Ichigo expected her words to shake with the sobs she was holding, but instead her voice was void, empty. "I can't believe you'd think so ill of me." She let her head slightly tilt to the side and her hand came to her cheek, breaking the flow of her tears.

"You're the one that just looked at me like that when I said-"

Rukia's open hand connected with his cheek, a _smack_ echoing through the washroom. "How could you love me if I was that heartless?"

Ichigo's eyes fell from her.

"I'm not saying I acted appropriately, but did you ever stop to think if I'd _ever_ been told that before?" Before Ichigo could even shake his head no Rukia raised her voice. "_Never_." Rukia stood slowly, Ichigo's hands sliding from her hips, down her legs, to the water. "So I'm sorry I didn't act like some silly school girl and fawn over you!" She wanted to slap him again but suppressed the urge, instead clenching her fists together so tightly that little crescent moons developed in her palms. "I am just… so afraid, Ichigo." Finally her voice cracked with a sob, causing them both to look at each other in shock.

Ichigo stood slowly, letting the silence sit between them for a few moments. "Can I… Rukia, let me hold you." She nodded her consent and Ichigo wrapped her in his arms swiftly, desperately. Rukia was silent again but he could still feel the tears transferring from her cheeks to his chest. He had been… well, he had been himself, rash and headstrong, picking one reason and just running with it and not considering anything else. She was scared. Ichigo smiled softly to himself. Scared was definitely something he could work with.


End file.
